My search for happiness took me where my mind took me.
Out of home, back home, in hobbies that I was passionate about and other mind wanderings. One day I took up art, another I learned to dance. I found a passion in photography and in writing.
But did it make me content?
It did. But not for long.
I was up and about in frenzy for many years. Doing this and that. Writing here and there. I moved from one job to another, scaling the ladder. Journalism was a career that chose me, I didn’t. Running after the written word, chasing an idea that could turn into a story was not my idea of a career. Teaching, like the rest of my aunts in the family, was.
I had great plans for the future, blamed my circumstances, my past, created anxiety about what I wanted to go, why I wasn’t good at dancing, why couldn’t I write better and the list of negative feedback continued. Amplified.
The mind is a clever liar. In all this perceived reality that it created, it brought illness as a constant companion throughout the years. From constant colds, digestion issues, weakness and all the other issues my mind could conceive mostly caused out of stress.
Friends told me I was fine, but, I paid no heed. “How can they say I’m fine, when I’m feeling ill?’ I questioned, being an expert at denial that I was. “I mean look me? What do they know anyway.”
In all this, I still looked for that missing ingredient. It was like that nagging child that refused to stop whining until you paid attention. But what?
The ‘what’ came a few months earlier. If Archimedes had his Eureka moment at the Bath, mine came on sick bed.
In my usual doctor rounds, the last one I’ve seen in almost six months, who caused the light bulb to finally switch on, smiled at my worried face. He telling me, ‘I’m okay’ felt unlike the countless times I’ve heard him. I still don’t know why.
And as though all the storms in my head had suddenly cleared, I laughed at my own self-sabotaging ideas and all the stupid lies I told myself.
All at once as if my magic, I felt content.
I jumped out of bed and rushed to the closest joggers track. I did three rounds that day, unlike the previous half-panting one round I could do earlier. Never stopped since. Something had clicked that grounded me to the now.
My past was left behind. The future no longer concerned me as much. It was the present place that I felt content, stable and strong in. The colds that frequented every month have not returned, my mind is at a happy place and I’ve learned to accept, rather than fight what I was given.
I didn’t want to be write, I didn’t like my own restlessness, the wandering mind…Now, I do. I love being me. I am a risk-taker, I am restless with new ideas and inspiration, my mind is free to wander, but I’m more cautious where and how far it goes. Hopefully I’ll get down to meditation soon.
During this time I surrounded myself with rich, enriching, meaningful content, motivators, thinkers like Dr Wayne Dyer who’s ideas uplighted my mind. I am grateful to the friends who never let go. It is important to live a content life with happy thoughts, positive people on a stable ground.
This is my content life.
My journey begins. In course of time, I’ll be sharing a little bit of what keeps me up and inspired every day.
You’re welcome to discover with me what makes us, breaks us, inspires us, annoys us, what makes us, us.
Share your stories; write about the Eureka’s you have struck upon, anything that you would like to say and I’ll add to my blog.
Pick a thing to get started on your inspiring journey. I just did.